Well, it's official. I'm back in the states. San Jose, to be precise (no, not San Jose State, that's different). If I haven't had a chance to tell you, by the way, I spent this last week in Tokyo (business) and this last weekend in Vegas (happy birthday Patri). Anyway, I made it back from Tokyo and Las Vegas alive.

The trip was very unnerving... the constant feeling that everyone around you was from a totally different culture was probably the most bizarre. Everything I did was governed by protocols and traditions that were totally foreign. Besides that, the monetary system really threw me for a while. I had to divide every number by 100 so that it made sense.

Tokyo, on the other hand, was fantastic. The first day I got in was pretty relaxed. The guy three seats away on the bus turned out to be one of my compatriots from Intel. We checked into the Imperial (aka Taykoku) Hotel, a process which was made completely painless by the phenomenally helpful and attentive bellboys, and the fact that the Japanese don't tip. Not that you should think that Japan is inexpensive. I'm pretty sure that the lack of tipping is due to the fact that, at Japanese prices (e.g. $8 for 6 oz of coke in a wine glass), tipping would push the people of Japan into collective bankruptcy.

Waiter: (palm outstretched) Ahem.

Diner: But I already refinanced the house to cover the dessert!

Waiter: Blood-by-the-Bottle has a kiosk by the bar. Five pints should cover the difference.

Anyway, we decided to venture out into the city proper for dinner, forgetting of course that the greater volume of the city is _not_ air conditioned (an oversight I hope the Japanese government will soon rectify). One hundred and three degrees later, we made it to the sushi place that was our intended destination. It turned out that we were the only gaijin in the place--it was packed with Japanese who, oddly enough, didn't speak english. Fortunately, there was one person there who could translate our most urgent requests (BATHROOM!!), and a combination of hand gestures and my comical attempts at Japanese (ama EBI!) got us fed. The sushi, of course, was excellent.

The next day was a full day of meetings, most of which were Bad News. To recuperate, we headed for something relaxing; a unique cultural experience available only in Japan that I'm sure you've heard of: Tokyo Disneyland. All I can say is that if you haven't seen Star Tours in Japanese, then you haven't really seen Star Tours.

On Wednesday we had some more relaxing meetings at the Intel Japan headquarters, so we had to do something a little more exciting. We decided to venture into the glamorous, exotic, and REALLY REALLY EXPENSIVE Rapongi district of Tokyo. Price is Right question of the day: How much do you think our dinner for six wound up costing? Double credit for getting the right answer in yen. Answers to follow in three paragraphs.

Anyway, the dinner was nothing short of amazing. The room was organized like some weird edible ('edible' in the sense that 'Dan will eat it') solar system. In the center sat the two chefs, cooking utensils all around them. In a tight circle surrounding the masters were wicker baskets of 'Things That Were Once Alive'. I would say wicker baskets of 'meat' , except the word 'meat' implies some distinction between the two parts of the Thing That Was Once Alive (TTWOA): the 'meat' and the 'rest'. These baskets contained more 'rest' then 'meat' and, in fact, some of them appeared to consist almost entirely of 'rest'. The innermost orbit, then, was best described as TTWOA. In erratic trajectories around the TTWOA were baskets of semi-identifiable vegetables, which technically are TTWOA themselves, but with less personality. Not that the spider crab legs were brilliant conversationalists or anything, but you understand my point.

We, the intrepid culinary adventurers, were hovering on wicker chairs in a loose semicircle overlooking the detectibles, and our waiters hurtled around the periphery requesting orders like asteroids on amphetamines. The whole spectacle was as visually impressive as it was culinarily challenging. Which, of course, brings me to the food.

The routine was simple. You pointed out a TTWOA to a passing comet/waiter. The waiter screeched to a halt and called out the (Japanese) name of the TTWOA. The entire asteroid/waiter field instantaneously froze in place and, in unison, called back the name of the TTWOA in perfect cadence (think of the 'no mercy sir' dojo in the original Karate Kid movie). The chefs would then use six-foot-long wooden paddles that would make very poor tennis rackets or very good discipline tools for someone very tall to lift up the basket with the TTWOA in question, as well as any veggies in a nearby trajectory that they thought were relevant. They would cook the food (perfectly every time) and then serve it up to you using the same paddles, reaching across millions of hyperbolic (as in I'm hyperbolizing, not as in a hyperbola) light-years to place the food item quite delicately on your placemat. I can't remember exactly what I ate; much of it was on the recommendation of the two other people eating in the restaurant (the restaurant only seated 12) who spoke excellent english. Some of the dishes I do remember were tiny (one inch) crabs that you eat whole, claws and all; slimy little potato-like things that you had to squeeze out of their skin and dip in some black sesame-seed like stuff; and a delicate, thin mat made up of hundreds if not thousands of teeny, tiny, dried whole fish. It was a challenge, but I persevered and consumed every last morsel placed in front of me, including some parts of the scallop which I later learned were only included as garnish. The dinner concluded with a rare, expensive Japanese delicacy for dessert, watermelon. Finally, the bill came in. It rang up at (ready?) 140,000 yen, or a little more then $200 a head ($1,250 total).

The rest of the evening was an extended wander to see the sights of Rapongi, including a Karaoke place and a bar/nightclub where we got to see the Tokyo nightlife firsthand.

Thursday, our last full day, took us out to Yokohama to meet with Hitachi. The meeting went well, and afterwards they took us out to a tiny restaurant that their division owns exclusively for entertaining guests. The place was very traditional. We took off our shoes, walked by a tiny garden, and were expected to sit on the floor (although they had cheater leg-holes for those of us whose legs would permanently fuse in place if we had to sit cross-legged for three hours!). Dinner was shabu-shabu, a fondue-like arrangement that involved dipping meat and veggies into a communal pot of boiling water.

All in all the week was fantastic; winning $120 in Vegas ("The Other Happiest Place on Earth) at blackjack didn't hurt either. Now I have one day to catch up on a week of work and move into my new townhouse before leaving for Portland, LA, and Phoenix (all in five days). Wish me luck...

--dan